1. Since Paris Hilton actually DID some of HER time behind bars, she's far more of a man than Scooter Libby will ever be able to pretend to be, ever, ever again, for the rest of his miserable, cowardly, well-compensated, chickensh|t life, so Scooter Libby now has to release a poorly-lit sex tape that shows him doing his former job; sucking up to Dick. (Cheney, that is.)
2. CNN's Lou Dobbs has to give his house, his retirement savings, his car, his job at CNN and all of his financial assets to the grieving family of this poor Latino kid who killed himself yesterday - several months after recovering (at least physically) from being brutally and senselessly attacked at a high school party in Houston, beaten, burned with cigarettes and sodomized with a plastic pipe by several of Mr. Dobbs' biggest fans. Lou also has to wear a t-shirt that says "I'm the Dirty Bastard Who REALLY Gave America Leprosy" as he takes his final "station break" by doing a swan dive, a one and half gainer and a belly-flop from the very top deck of a Carnival Cruise Ship. Bon voyage', Lou.
3. George W. Bush has to explain why killing a completely repentant Karla Faye Tucker was 'a fair sentence' but Scooter's sentence was "excessive". It's the very least he can do after taking a big old super-sized Texas bowel-dump all over the American public's admittedly delusional sense of "equal justice" by smirking like a typical brain damaged conservative while just magically commuting away every second of every minute of every day behind bars out of the well-deserved prison sentence of Dick Cheney's little buddy, Scooter "Punk-Ass Bitch" Libby, who has shown absolutely no remorse - for anything - ever.
4. If you've ever voted for George W. Bush, defended him by denying reality or helped Karl Rove smear any of Dubya's detractors, then you have to immediately give all of your worldly possessions to www.WilsonSupport.Org then you have to go straight to hell, along with Ann Coulter, Scooter Libby's parents, Barbara Bush, George Bush Senior, the Swiftboat con-men and the rest of the GOP - and you need to leave today. Buh-Bye, Chris Matthews.
5. If you're an MSNBC executive and if you had anything at all to do with this morning's edition of "First Look" in which there was absolutely no mention of Scooter Libby's Republican Party-sponsored get-out-of-jail free card, then you have to go deep sea swimming with Lou Dobbs.
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