GOP Presidential Candidates Poll Questions

Of all the currently known strictly white, strictly religious, strictly male, strictly wealthy, strictly pro-corporate, strictly pro-war Republican contenders, who would be your first GOP Presidential candidate pick?:

1. President Giuliani promising to appoint Sarah Brady as his special White House "Handgun Violence Czar" and U.S. Attorney General.

2. President Tancredo promising a new militarized "Checkpoint Charlie" Mexican border crossing and summary executions of all suspected "brown-type" people.

3. President Huckabee promising to outlaw Darwin's writings, ban all environmental sciences and pledging to add billions of tax-payer dollars in Genesis-based education.

4. President Brownback promising to give the sperm of all convicted rapists a special, legally enforceable "endangered species" federally protected status.

5. Fred Thompson or some other mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging troglodyte still remaining, as of this date, unannounced.

Bonus Question:
(For Our Silver, Gold and Platinum-Level "Eagle Pioneer Hyper-Christian, Super-American Uber-Rich Money-Hero Republican Mega-Patriots Only)

Would it make any difference in your decision-making and / or check-writing processes if one or more of the top GOP Presidential candidates promised to address our nation's most important, most pressing issue, which (as we all know) is ear-marking multiple trillions of dollars in tax payer funds for an emergency bail-out for all of our rich oil executive donors, our CEO friends, our greedy insurance scammer buddies and our generous multi-national corporations, not to mention Paris Hilton and Bill Gates, to save these good friends of the Republican Party from their continued suffering under the "tax burden" of keeping public school buses full of poor Democrat children from falling into the churning waters of the Missississippi River as our nation's bridges continue to collapse?

-- Sincerely; Your Fiend, Karl Rove --